Dear Kristen, who wanted a new table
Dear Kristen,
Remember that time your best friend got a beautiful new dining room table? How she called you right after the furniture store delivery truck dropped it off and asked if you could come over and help carry it into the dining room?
Do you remember how jealousy flared up inside of you the minute you walked into her big, beautiful new house and saw her equally brand new, beautiful table and eight matching chairs? How it had that "new furniture" smell and was so shiny without a single scratch?
Remember how you felt going back home to your 70's fixer upper house and how ugly your own hand-me-down laminate table seemed when you walked in the door? How tiny your table felt after sitting at that glossy black table for eight? How that jealousy bubbled up inside you, and you felt resentful toward your own self, your husband, and god for the fact that your friend's lifestyle was much more luxurious than your own? In that moment, that table was a symbol of everything you did not have and so desperately wanted. You struggled deeply with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy in so many areas of your life. Your friends all had bigger, nicer houses. Some had shiny SUVs that you wished for so badly but your husband insisted on a used four door sedan, practical guy that he is.
The early years of your married life were marked with these sorts of scenarios. You were so self centered, so focused on creating a home and a life that looked like a magazine spread, all the while feeling like everyone else was winning at this game while you were in a constant backward slide, never catching up before they were on to the next new thing,
You did replace that offensive table, on a whim at Ikea with a tax return burning a hole in your pocket. You felt great about how cute your dining room now looked, but your friends had long ago mastered their home decor and were moving on to things like travel trailers, tropical anniversary getaways, hot tubs and four wheelers. Again you felt like less, and you spent many hours comparing their posessions, expensive hobbies and vacations to your own and despairing over the differences.
Well, guess what girl?
There will be an afternoon, eight or so years into the future when you will be mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. A photo of that table will pop up on the screen, listed on a local swap and buy page. The ad will give a brief description of the table's condition - a few scratches here, a ding there and some faded spots where a hot dish or cup damaged that glossy black surface. Still a beautiful table, but used enough that it is now for sale at a bargain price to make way for something newer.
You will start to laugh. Audibly laugh. You will be instantly transported back to that day, when you helped carry that shiny beast of a table into your friend's dining room. The memory of how bitter and envious you were on the inside seems like yesterday, only now instead of those feelings, you are smiling.
Not because your friend is selling the table at a rock bottom price, or because the object of your deep jealousy now shows signs of wear and is being discarded. It's not about your friend and her decor choices or even how the table looks now.
It's because that sale ad was like suddenly coming across an old photo of yourself and being shocked at your appearance back then. Suddenly you have caught a glimpse of who you used to be, and how far you have come from that point. You had forgotten, or maybe never realized just what you were like back then until a photo brought you back.
Those feelings now seem so juvenile. Embarrassing. How silly and vain I had been, worrying about appearances when I should have been happy for my friend and helping her with a cheerful heart as she included me in her excitement. What a missed opportunity, because I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities and selfishness.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some days you will feel like you have so far yet to go in this walk of sanctification. Like there is no progress, you are a mess and need work in every area. You feel like the same person on the inside and struggle with the same issues you did years ago.
And then God gives you a picture of just who you were eight years ago. And the thing that seemed like the biggest mountain now seems like a molehill. A little glimpse into the refiner's fire to encourage you to keep pressing on.
In the words of Joyce Meyer, "I'm not who I need to be. But thank God I'm not who I used to be."
Remember that time your best friend got a beautiful new dining room table? How she called you right after the furniture store delivery truck dropped it off and asked if you could come over and help carry it into the dining room?
Do you remember how jealousy flared up inside of you the minute you walked into her big, beautiful new house and saw her equally brand new, beautiful table and eight matching chairs? How it had that "new furniture" smell and was so shiny without a single scratch?
Remember how you felt going back home to your 70's fixer upper house and how ugly your own hand-me-down laminate table seemed when you walked in the door? How tiny your table felt after sitting at that glossy black table for eight? How that jealousy bubbled up inside you, and you felt resentful toward your own self, your husband, and god for the fact that your friend's lifestyle was much more luxurious than your own? In that moment, that table was a symbol of everything you did not have and so desperately wanted. You struggled deeply with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy in so many areas of your life. Your friends all had bigger, nicer houses. Some had shiny SUVs that you wished for so badly but your husband insisted on a used four door sedan, practical guy that he is.
The early years of your married life were marked with these sorts of scenarios. You were so self centered, so focused on creating a home and a life that looked like a magazine spread, all the while feeling like everyone else was winning at this game while you were in a constant backward slide, never catching up before they were on to the next new thing,
You did replace that offensive table, on a whim at Ikea with a tax return burning a hole in your pocket. You felt great about how cute your dining room now looked, but your friends had long ago mastered their home decor and were moving on to things like travel trailers, tropical anniversary getaways, hot tubs and four wheelers. Again you felt like less, and you spent many hours comparing their posessions, expensive hobbies and vacations to your own and despairing over the differences.
Well, guess what girl?
There will be an afternoon, eight or so years into the future when you will be mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. A photo of that table will pop up on the screen, listed on a local swap and buy page. The ad will give a brief description of the table's condition - a few scratches here, a ding there and some faded spots where a hot dish or cup damaged that glossy black surface. Still a beautiful table, but used enough that it is now for sale at a bargain price to make way for something newer.
You will start to laugh. Audibly laugh. You will be instantly transported back to that day, when you helped carry that shiny beast of a table into your friend's dining room. The memory of how bitter and envious you were on the inside seems like yesterday, only now instead of those feelings, you are smiling.
Not because your friend is selling the table at a rock bottom price, or because the object of your deep jealousy now shows signs of wear and is being discarded. It's not about your friend and her decor choices or even how the table looks now.
It's because that sale ad was like suddenly coming across an old photo of yourself and being shocked at your appearance back then. Suddenly you have caught a glimpse of who you used to be, and how far you have come from that point. You had forgotten, or maybe never realized just what you were like back then until a photo brought you back.
Those feelings now seem so juvenile. Embarrassing. How silly and vain I had been, worrying about appearances when I should have been happy for my friend and helping her with a cheerful heart as she included me in her excitement. What a missed opportunity, because I was so wrapped up in my own insecurities and selfishness.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some days you will feel like you have so far yet to go in this walk of sanctification. Like there is no progress, you are a mess and need work in every area. You feel like the same person on the inside and struggle with the same issues you did years ago.
And then God gives you a picture of just who you were eight years ago. And the thing that seemed like the biggest mountain now seems like a molehill. A little glimpse into the refiner's fire to encourage you to keep pressing on.
In the words of Joyce Meyer, "I'm not who I need to be. But thank God I'm not who I used to be."
Comments
Post a Comment