Dear Kristen, who was uninvited today
Dear Kristen,
Today you are going to feel the sting of rejection. It's going to come from a friend and it's going to make you feel incredibly awkward in a social situation. It will come out of nowhere, while you are having a nice conversation with several mom friends and you are feeling relaxed and happy, and actually shortly after you have thoughts of how blessed you are to have new friends and are beginning to feel like you belong in this town.
When it happens, you will suddenly feel like you don't know what to do with your hands, or where to look. You will pretend to be really focused on what your child is doing across the room and feign that you didn't hear the invitation that was just extended to the other moms in the circle but not to you. You will try your best not to make it uncomfortable for the other moms who are nervously sneaking glances at you to see if you have overheard their social plans and are assessing whether they now have to extend a half hearted invite to you or if they have gotten away with it.
You will paste on a fake smile and carry on, then make an excuse and leave the playdate a bit early because you suddenly feel like the odd woman out and your chest will be hurting. You will smile and chat with your daughter as you buckle her into the carseat and focus hard on keeping your voice from breaking. You will hold it in and tell yourself that you are just going to shake it off, but really you are hurting inside.
It wont come out until the next day when you again pack up your four year old and drive downtown to do a favour for someone who asked you to be at a certain place at a certain time. You will wait outside in the freezing cold because the doors are locked and no one is there, feeling like an idiot on the sidewalk until someone comes along and tells you the event is cancelled today. And although somene thought enough of you to ask for a favour, they didn't apparently think you were important enough to notify that the plans had changed and you were no longer needed. Everyone else knew, just not you.
You will drive home and melt down. The part inside you that has been holding on to these little rejections, these small annoyances and mistakes made by others that end up inconveniencing you, the careless words you overheard this week all come bubbling to the surface. You will think of all the times this week you have felt left out, used, rejected. It has been a week of many small hurts that seemed to just pile up until you feel like the only reason anyone ever interacts with you is to ask for a favour, but never because they actually like spending time with you.
You will want to listen to these lies and curl up on the couch for a good pity party.
Please don't.
It won't make things better. It wont get back the morning that was wasted, or fix your broken heart. It will only give you reasons to build up resentment and anger toward your friends and the various people who have let you down this week. It will build up the hurt and the hard feelings until they are so big it will become a much harder battle to win. Deal with it quickly; don't let those negative feelings and bad thoughts take root.
Remember who you are in Christ. Maybe your friends don't like you as much as you thought. But you ARE loved and accepted by the One whose acceptance you should be seeking above all others. Not only that, but He saw your moment of rejection this morning and He knows how it is making your heart ache, how it brings up old wounds and insecurities that you now how to wrestle with all over again.
Pour out your heart to Him and then lay it down. All of it. The grudge you want to hold, the hurt, the feelings of insecurity and rejection. Lay down the lies that you believe about yourself, the burden you carry and let Jesus handle it.
Pick up the truth He offers in exchange. The truth that you are loved, wanted, and seen. Maybe not by people, not the way you wish you were. But God sees you and knows you, and He wants to be your friend even if it feels like no one else does.
Now, stop looking for your friends to fill the part of you that craves acceptance and worth, value and importance. If you keep expecting your friends to make you feel these things you will always come away empty. Only God can truly fill that space in you - and only through reminding you who you are in Christ.
Got it?
Ok now get up off the couch. Pick up the blocks, the coffee cups and the scattered newspapers. Lift up your head and focus on all that God is to you while you get on with your day. No more fetal position, under-the-blanket pity party for one. You laid it all down at the foot of the cross. Don't keep picking it back up again. Move on, don't waste your day wallowing and every time those negative thoughts about yourself ( or your human friends who made a very human mistake) pop i to your head, fight them and take them captive. Speak the truth into your heart and mind and drown their voices out.
You do not measure your self worth by how full your social calendar is. You measure your swlf worth by the Word of God and what He says about how He views you, through his son Jesus Christ.
Today you are going to feel the sting of rejection. It's going to come from a friend and it's going to make you feel incredibly awkward in a social situation. It will come out of nowhere, while you are having a nice conversation with several mom friends and you are feeling relaxed and happy, and actually shortly after you have thoughts of how blessed you are to have new friends and are beginning to feel like you belong in this town.
When it happens, you will suddenly feel like you don't know what to do with your hands, or where to look. You will pretend to be really focused on what your child is doing across the room and feign that you didn't hear the invitation that was just extended to the other moms in the circle but not to you. You will try your best not to make it uncomfortable for the other moms who are nervously sneaking glances at you to see if you have overheard their social plans and are assessing whether they now have to extend a half hearted invite to you or if they have gotten away with it.
You will paste on a fake smile and carry on, then make an excuse and leave the playdate a bit early because you suddenly feel like the odd woman out and your chest will be hurting. You will smile and chat with your daughter as you buckle her into the carseat and focus hard on keeping your voice from breaking. You will hold it in and tell yourself that you are just going to shake it off, but really you are hurting inside.
It wont come out until the next day when you again pack up your four year old and drive downtown to do a favour for someone who asked you to be at a certain place at a certain time. You will wait outside in the freezing cold because the doors are locked and no one is there, feeling like an idiot on the sidewalk until someone comes along and tells you the event is cancelled today. And although somene thought enough of you to ask for a favour, they didn't apparently think you were important enough to notify that the plans had changed and you were no longer needed. Everyone else knew, just not you.
You will drive home and melt down. The part inside you that has been holding on to these little rejections, these small annoyances and mistakes made by others that end up inconveniencing you, the careless words you overheard this week all come bubbling to the surface. You will think of all the times this week you have felt left out, used, rejected. It has been a week of many small hurts that seemed to just pile up until you feel like the only reason anyone ever interacts with you is to ask for a favour, but never because they actually like spending time with you.
You will want to listen to these lies and curl up on the couch for a good pity party.
Please don't.
It won't make things better. It wont get back the morning that was wasted, or fix your broken heart. It will only give you reasons to build up resentment and anger toward your friends and the various people who have let you down this week. It will build up the hurt and the hard feelings until they are so big it will become a much harder battle to win. Deal with it quickly; don't let those negative feelings and bad thoughts take root.
Remember who you are in Christ. Maybe your friends don't like you as much as you thought. But you ARE loved and accepted by the One whose acceptance you should be seeking above all others. Not only that, but He saw your moment of rejection this morning and He knows how it is making your heart ache, how it brings up old wounds and insecurities that you now how to wrestle with all over again.
Pour out your heart to Him and then lay it down. All of it. The grudge you want to hold, the hurt, the feelings of insecurity and rejection. Lay down the lies that you believe about yourself, the burden you carry and let Jesus handle it.
Pick up the truth He offers in exchange. The truth that you are loved, wanted, and seen. Maybe not by people, not the way you wish you were. But God sees you and knows you, and He wants to be your friend even if it feels like no one else does.
Now, stop looking for your friends to fill the part of you that craves acceptance and worth, value and importance. If you keep expecting your friends to make you feel these things you will always come away empty. Only God can truly fill that space in you - and only through reminding you who you are in Christ.
Got it?
Ok now get up off the couch. Pick up the blocks, the coffee cups and the scattered newspapers. Lift up your head and focus on all that God is to you while you get on with your day. No more fetal position, under-the-blanket pity party for one. You laid it all down at the foot of the cross. Don't keep picking it back up again. Move on, don't waste your day wallowing and every time those negative thoughts about yourself ( or your human friends who made a very human mistake) pop i to your head, fight them and take them captive. Speak the truth into your heart and mind and drown their voices out.
You do not measure your self worth by how full your social calendar is. You measure your swlf worth by the Word of God and what He says about how He views you, through his son Jesus Christ.
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